My wife Kim is 11 weeks pregnant. She started spotting last night and we are scared. In 1999 the same thing happened, about the same time, and we lost the baby.
We’ve been married for 11 years and have been through a barrage of crap and hardships. Kim is bipolar and it took us about 8 years to figure that out. Financial woes and bad decisions have plagued our marriage and it has done A LOT to make us strong. We are more in love today than ever before.
Things have been going fairly well lately and when we found out about the pregnancy my first instinct was not to tell anybody until after the first trimester. I wanted to make sure this was going to happen. From the first experience I saw what happens during a miscarriage.
Some don’t get the message and keep asking how far along you are. Some who do find out ask for the next year, “So, how are you doing? Are you ok?” This only brings up more feelings of hurt and pain. Others say things like, “God is in control.” Or “You never know what could have happened, the baby may have had a birth defect, God knows what He’s doing, just trust Him.” OK, that’s supposed to make me and Kim go, “AHHH Sweet! Yeah, that’s it! God knows best. We’re COOL with that. Let’s go get a latte!”
Add all this to the fact that it is a major loss of life to us. We’ve been waiting on this.
Right now, I don’t know whether to hope, prepare, cry (done a little of that already) or just wait. I do know I have PRAYED. I pray for health and safety. I’m not praying for God’s will, I’m praying God will make His will that this baby will be OK. I’m thinking, “God, come on, make this happen. Why do we have to go through this again?”
I know all the answers, but sometimes knowledge isn’t enough. I need a God of relationship who can hold me when I cry and say just what I need to hear. I need God who will comfort my hurting, crying wife who feels it is somehow her fault.
Whatever the outcome, I have no idea if I will ever post this. I’m not writing to teach, rant, rave, and emotionally unload. This is life. Sometimes it sucks and sometimes it’s great. I just hope this one turns out great.
*Current: We just got back from the Dr. and Kim miscarried. We're going back this afternoon for the DNC. If you pray, please do so for us, especially for Kim.